So the other day, I got this awesome little comment on my site informing me that I won an award and that I should visit the Suburban Jungle to go pick up my honor. Instant panic – I was totally not dressed for the occasion. I mean, who accepts an award wearing what I was wearing? I was at work when I got the notification and I don’t dress up for those people. Seriously, they are *lucky* that I show up. Especially now that I am winning awards and whatnot. Okay, it was just an award, but I presume whatnot will be soon to follow. But I always promised that I would remember the little people when I made it big. And obviously I hold true to my promises. (Plus, the award didn’t come with any cash money, so I kind of need to keep the job). Back to the fashion crisis – I contemplated running to a store and picking up something that was more appropriate for collecting this distinguished award.
And then it dawned on me. Without a formal ceremony there was no need to run out and get my fashion on rightthisminute. And then I remembered that because there was no ceremony and because no one can actually see me, I didn’t really have to get a new outfit at all.
And then I came home with some Vera Wang.
Pajamas, people. From Kohl’s. Jeez, I’m not ridiculous.
So I had prepared this mind-blowing acceptance speech, thanking so many people – The Suburban Jungle for being unbelievably awesome and having a site that I aspire to have some day; Janet, who made me web-pretty with a design that rivals Wang; friends; family; my 11th grade English teacher who called my mom and told her I was on drugs; my college professor who insisted that Jim Carroll was the world’s best poets (that same professor had to take a semester off after getting high with freshman students). I would have thanked all of those people.
And then I realized something that made me tear up my acceptance speech on the spot. I realized that by thanking all of those people I was only giving Kanye yet another chance to be a douche and steal the spotlight. And I will be damned if I am the catalyst for that bullshit. So, I will humbly and quickly thank The Suburban Jungle (because she’s all win) and perform the responsibilities that are required of me as the winner of a major, national award.
What You Must Do When You Are Presented With This Honor
- Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.
- Tell those 7 people they’ve been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.
- Share “10 Honest Things” about myself.
- I have never ever participated in one of these all about me surveys. I am always listed as the person least likely to respond. Guess all they needed to do was attach an award to it to find out if I drink Coke or Pepsi. For those who were wondering, I drink Coke. Diet Coke to be precise.
- For six months after college, I worked at a Wal-Mart photo lab to make enough money to move back to NY. Yes, I looked at your photos. All of them. And I judged you.
- I once lived in a senior nursing home on New York’s Upper West Side for almost two months. Apparently, that was my company’s version of a luxury apartment. When I arrived, they were wheeling a covered body out on a gurney – I am pretty sure that is how my room became available.
- I don’t eat meat. I am that person that goes to Five Guys and orders a bun with condiments.
- I once met Freddy “ReRun” Stubbs and asked him for an autograph. He said it cost $5. I paid him $10 for the autograph and to do the ReRun dance. Best money I ever spent.
- I got the West Nile Virus back when it was first introduced in New York. Back when it was an epidemic and only a few people had it. It was very trendy at the time. You know, the Swine Flu of 1999.
- I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies. None of them. One drunk night in college I started to watch the first one and I didn’t make it past the long scrolling words on the screen. Damn you vodka.
- When I was a teenager I tried to go the whole gothic route. Except I sucked at it because, unlike the other kids I hung out with, I was pretty confident in one thing – that I was not a vampire. But black is still my signature color.
- I wrote my first poem in the first grade. It was about the Statue of Liberty. It went a little something like this: The Statue still stands, big and tall / She stands for liberty and all / She stands in the harbor as a symbol of peace / Her feet are mounted in concrete. Still not sure how I didn’t get the Pulitzer for being a child genius.
Seven Bloggers Who Will Now Bask in the Glory of the Honest Scrap Award
The Bare Essentials Today
Vinomom
Hop Piece of Sass
Livit Luvit
Life’s Crazy Joke
Pieces of Me
My Little Becky
Honest Scrap Winners – I encourage you to use this award for doing good. Know in your hearts that you are always right and anyone that tells you different sucks balls.
What a week – my first award AND my first Kanye joke! I. Have. Arrived.
Thanks for the nom! I am totally gonna run out and buy a new outfit. Not to accept the award or anything, but because I’m a shopping whore. And I think I need a new coach bag to put it in. Does it come in silver?
And I would have totally paid $30 to see the Rerun dance, I’m just sayin’.
Also, can you please post the rest of the poem? I’m dying to know what you rhymed with concrete! Pretty please?
Congrats! The award doesn’t come in silver but I have it on good authority that some pretty sweet Coach bags do.
And if you read carefully, you will see that I employed an off rhyme in my poetic brilliance. Peace and concrete are off-rhymes. Kinda like Dr. Seuss here.
I am so excited! I just ran downstairs and yelled at my husband, “I just won my first blooging award!” He thinks I’m totally crazy now and I just woke up the baby. But it was so worth it! I am going to call my mother ASAP and let her know, too! My very first award!
Adn I totally should buy stock in Vera from Kohl’s. The pajamas are great and wash up nicely.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Meredith
http://www.lifescrazyjoke.com
Seriously – I adore you! You are too cute – I had the same reaction when I got the award from Suburban Jungle. All excited and telling people at work and then I remembered that no one at work knows that I have a blog. *Awkward*
Thanks a lot, hotstuff! I think you’re great, too, and I love me some awards!
Wish you’d given me West Nile Virus instead, though. It’s still an ‘it’ disease and is so much less gross than Swine flu. Yuck.
Tried leaving a comment before but my internet went wonky. If two appear, trust me, I’m really not quite that lame.
xx
You know what they say – double the comment, double the love! I am sending you a whole bunch of mosquitoes at the holidays in hopes that I can give you the gift of West Nile. It would have been cool had it not involved a spinal tap. I will take swine flu over that any day.
I know what you mean about meat — I was Vegetarian for eight years (no meat, chicken or fish) and used to stop at Burger King and get a bun with a slice of cheese and condiments….I used to love it!
Bun ‘o condiments from Five Guys is literally my favorite meal. I wish I could say that by not eating meat I’ve been eating really healthy foods, but really, it just means that I eat bad foods more creatively.
You haven’t seen Star Wars. That is a cultural travesty that must be rectified.
I have a feeling that I missed the moment on the whole Star Wars thing. I realize that it makes me culturally offensive, but I have a feeling not loving Star Wars would put me in the same category. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
wow! thanks so much! I am blushing
I used to live near a nursing home on the upper west side.
funny list! I have been thinking about becoming a vegetarian, but I love burgers
Jen
We may have been neighbors. Mine was on West End Avenue, where all the swanky, rich folks put old folks. It was quite an experience.
Giving up burgers was the hardest thing – I haven’t had one in more than 15 years, but if I ate anything, I think it would be a burger. Congrats – love your site!
Holy crap! Thanks so much! I love it! And it really sucks that some real life drama made my blog be shut down for the moment. Never fear, though, I WILL be back! And I will make you re-subscribe to me in google reader whether you like it or not!
Your post cracked me up, seriously. Especially about the Walmart Photo Lab. I gotta get back to blogging so I can accept this award!
Welcome back lovey! We’ve missed you!
I tried to go all Goth too! I was half-assed Goth when half-assed Goth wasn’t cool. Sadly, maybe just realistically, I wasn’t a vampire either… I was taken aback when I got a little older and found out the “new Goths” actually took it to that level. Bless their pointed little piercings. Do parents never run through the lists of bloodborne pathogens anymore? Have to admit, though, if (dating myself, I know, with enthusiasm) David and/or any of the other Lost Boys had asked me, I would’ve let them bite my neck for giggles. And I kind of preferred to live at home. Details.
Love your honest scraps, you. *have*. arrived.
Believe me – I was all half-assed Goth too. And really, the only way to be Goth is to go all in. These days you have to split your tongue and sacrifice an animal. And there is nothing wrong with some Lost Boys love, as long as it is not Lost Boys II. Because that was just wrong.
Hey – thanks again for the Award. I just clicked on my link and it wasn’t working. Cuz yeah I AM that self centered
congrats, lady! and thank you
i tried gothic as well… my bottom eyelids don’t cooperate with eyeliner, it got all smudgy and unattractive. *gothic fail!*
ps naked walmart pictures? *shuddervomitshudder*
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/10/five-star-fridays-edition-76.html
Awww, I love you for this! Thank you so much!